


Disaster Averted

by valda



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 19:04:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3740122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valda/pseuds/valda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sheriff of Night Vale has enough to worry about without the threat of bot armies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disaster Averted

"Sir, he's doing it again."

The sheriff cursed, slapping the toggle switch on his state-of-the-art radio--one of few in town that was light enough to actually move. He kept it at his desk, mostly, but it was good to know he could bring it along if he ever needed to leave his hover-office.

"Bot. _Armies_ ," the radio host was saying, and the little red light on the side of the radio began flashing wildly, indicating Cecil Palmer's Voice was activated.

"Shit. Recall everyone, now. This is _bad_. I gotta call City Council."

The officer who'd brought the unwelcome news scurried out the door, purple tongue lolling behind her in distress. As the office door slammed shut, the sheriff rushed to call city hall, vibrating with impatience as the dial of his rotary phone scrolled laboriously back to zero with each number.

"We're not here anymore. Good luck with whatever that is in the abandoned lot. If you'd like to scream or cry in horror--"

"Oh for the love of the Brownstone Spire. _The fences in the caves_. Pick up, damn it."

"Ugh, _what_ ," came a chorus of voices.

"Look, I don't want to have to fight _bot armies_ , you guys. I've got enough to worry about just with regular civilian crime. I only have five armored tanks. That's _barely_ enough to deal with average citizens."

"Hey, _you_ wanted to be sheriff."

"Come on. Work with me here. Do you _really_ want Night Vale overrun by robots?"

" _Ugh_ , fine, we'll pass a law. But look, we need you to do something about Leann Hart."

"Aw, geez, she's not really hurting anybody."

"But murder is _illegal_ , and so is _attempted murder_ , so basically you're making us _all_ look bad. It's gotten to the point that we're embarrassed we passed that law to _begin_ with, but we can't very well take it back _now_." City Council collectively sighed. "New laws are easy. Repealing existing laws is _such_ a _hassle_!"

"Okay, fine...I'll look into it myself."

"Good. All right. We're passing the law. All information is now public. There."

"Thanks." The sheriff sagged back into his chair and hung up the phone. He'd send a spokesperson out to remind everyone in general, and Leann specifically, about the whole illegality of murder thing. Case closed.

"I still don't see why we can't just _tell him_ about his Voice," he muttered.

"And that's why you'll never be anything more than sheriff," answered a crackly voice from behind the potted fern in the corner.

~

While losing Maureen as an intern was disappointing, Cecil ultimately went to bed happy that night. After all, thanks to his distracting editorial, he'd managed to slip a reality that included new jobs for Night Vale past the powers-that-be. It was a good thing no one realized he knew what he was doing!

And the whole thing about all private information being public now was probably fine. Right?


End file.
